Hero Worship
by peppermint quartz
Summary: I wish I have never known him. Yet I cannot deny him. M. A small aside developed from Touched and First Contact, chapters 50-53. M for smut.


**A/N: A short distraction from my project, from school, from NaNoWriMo and also from fatigue. ****Yes, smut has many uses.**

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**Hero Worship**

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I always had a thing for saviors.

Well, in my youth, it was that captain with the sixty-nine tattooed just under his pecs. Man, that was a sight I would never ever forget. I learned to be strong after that, to not cry so easily, and to stand up for myself and my friends.

Somehow I made it to the first district to take the Shinigami Academy entrance exam. Failed twice, and was ready to try a third time. I knew I had it in me: I could feel the reiatsu in my veins, feel the hunger which no one else seemed to, and I believed I could serve.

Of course I had to be indebted to some total bastard before my third retest. The bastard tried selling my ass out to some shithead shinigami – I had heard of him, he tortured boys because he enjoyed pain – and I wasn't about to join his list of to-dos. The bastard tried to beat me up – and I met my second savior. This second savior took me in, taught me lessons in reiatsu manipulation, and made love to a boy who had never known gentleness. He called me Zahl. I called him Yuki.

It wasn't until much, much later that I learned his real name. I wished I learned it early.

But by then I had seen his eyes in the full light and seen how his hair framed his face, and I fell in love.

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Somehow he has managed to corner me again after the biannual All-Officers Meeting. I want to run, but I also want to stay. He has always fascinated me, even now, especially now. He can never be mine – and I know I am a possessive man – but he hunts me down all the same.

I cannot flee from him. When I feel that blue-green gaze on me, I am transfixed.

My friends call me the wolf. I call myself the prey. He is the fox and the snake; once I meet his eyes, I cannot move.

He comes now. "Zahl," he purrs, low and dangerous. "I want a few minutes of your time. And call me Yuki, hmm? The last time, you called my name. It quite put me off the mood."

"Yuki, we really shouldn't-"

He laughs softly and croons, "We really shouldn't, but you want it and I want it, don't we?" He leans in, his faint scent capturing me again. "I know I want it bad enough to do you right here, but it wouldn't be nice, would it?"

I shake my head quickly. It is the captain's office after all, and though Tousen-taichou is blind he can smell and he certainly isn't deaf. Yuki leads the way; I follow. He probably has an encyclopedic knowledge of the hiding spots in Seireitei. When he pins me in an alley near the North Sacred Wall I barely muster enough indignation to protest the desecration.

"Hush now, Zahl," his voice hums against the tattoo on my cheek. I warm all over as his hands skate over my chest and reach down to release the belt holding up my hakama. "I miss this."

I say nothing. I know it is a lie. He misses someone else, not me, never me. He threw me away when I entered the Academy. But I throw these considerations away when his mouth closes over mine.

"Yuki," I breathe, hips pushing against him. My body betrays me; it remembers how good it is to be held by this man. It wants to be held by this man.

He obliges, carefully laying his captain's haori aside. There are some things he will not defile. When he pushes me closer to his cock, I am the one who moans with contentment and bliss. When he holds my head in place as I suck and lick and kiss and fondle, I am the one yearning to do this for yet another time. When he comes, hot and thick down my throat, I am the one clutching his thighs and swallowing every drop without his asking.

He looks at me with a blend of satiation and desire. I straddle him and then prepare myself. I always have lube with me now; I never know when he will call on Zahl. He skates his hands and his clever fingers over my legs and calves, what he can reach, and then reaches up to pinch my nipples. I push my fingers in, the way he taught me long ago, and I whimper as he continues to abuse my nipples.

When he closes a fist over my cock I bite back a cry.

"Take your hand away," he orders. I obey immediately. He smiles and shifts me, so he can suck my erection while penetrating me with his fingers. My own hands scrabble uselessly at the wall while he enjoys fellating me. I don't dare to come. I did once, and he had wiped off his mouth and walked off after dressing. He did not talk to Zahl for months afterwards.

I learn my lessons. "Please, Yuki, I want you in me," I whisper, my voice breathy and strange in my ears.

He takes his time before he positions me over him. I lower myself onto his arousal and cover my mouth. He watches, the smile about his lips even more mysterious and touched with lust. I bounce in his lap and he grips my hips to force me to move faster, harder, until I am begging him to let me come.

My mind narrows to the here and now: him below, him in me, his gaze, his heat, his voice urging me to go harder, his hands holding my desire, his hands moving up and down, his thumb pressing below the head... "Come, Zahl," he commands in a hoarse whisper.

I bite my lip, knowing I cannot make a sound. I cannot, I cannot, I cannot, and I so badly need to, want to, long to. My hips lock forward and I tense all over, back arching into my release, and then try not to fall forward. He ignores the awkwardness and licks my come off his fingers, before he flips me over and he takes me again from behind, harsh and brutal.

Whenever Yuki wants Zahl, he takes Zahl until there is nothing left for him. It is surprising no one has caught us before although we are never in a proper bedroom. He licks up the back of my neck and then chooses a part on my shoulder to bite down, hard. I clench my fists as he released again, and then let the wave of desire swallow my whole as he kept pumping me until I hear his command again.

I wish I never knew him. I wish I had never called him Yuki, that he had never nicknamed me Zahl.

But my body remembers my second hero far better than the first, and will always yield to his desires.

And I will always remember the moment I fell in love with Yuki, with his sea-green eyes and silver hair in the sunshine.


End file.
